Home hunting in Boston

I don't remember if I had mentioned this in a previous post or not but between us & Ryker's medical staff we have decided that it will be best for Ryker for us not to go home until after they have completed all of his surgeries, which could potentially be 1-3 years down the road...Hopefully not that long but who really knows.

As much as we knew this was the decision that had to be made, it wasn't an easy one! We knew we had to not only leave our home, jobs, family & friends to do this...but we knew the boys couldn't move here with us to... And its heartbreaking!!! I don't know how we are going to handle not having them around all the time! Or how my girls are going to handle it! We have the boys week to week (so one week on one week off) & by the end of each off week my girls are going crazy asking when their brothers are coming home. Those sweet boys are their little sisters hero's, sidekicks to trouble & absolute best friends!!! I know it is going to be really hard on all four of them!

Jason has really struggled with this decision for a while. Knowing it is the right decision to be made doesn't mean its the easy one! He got pretty emotional when we came to the reality of it all. Not only is he thee most amazing Dad in the whole world, but he never wants to miss a thing with any of his kids! The boys have always been involved in so many sports & he has always gone to not only every single game but he hates to even miss a practice. He loves being with his boys so much & watching them succeed at the things they love the most so much! One night at Primary Children's Hospital in Utah, Jay & Cheri were there visiting us. This was the night we realized we would more than likely be in Boston for at least a month. Jason said to Jay "I don't know how I am going to be away from my kids for that long, I'm not even going to be able to watch my boys games that they just got signed up for, I need someone to videotape them for me so I don't miss a thing!" While he was saying this he got pretty emotional. Now knowing that the month has come & gone & we are going on two months without our kids & it will be even longer for the boys it just breaks my heart!!

Although Trett & Jadd are not my biological kids they ARE my kids!! I love those boys with all my heart and I would do anything in the world for either of them! Jason & I have been together since Jadd was 20 months old (still in diapers & adorable baby talk) & Trett was only 3 years old. The two cutest & flirtiest boys I had ever met! Jadd used to tell Jason that he was going steal me from him, that I was his girlfriend now :) & Trett although only three years old was so "big" & so smart, always taking the best care of his "jaddy-boy" as he called him. :) They don't remember a time in their lives that I wasn't a part of it. They were just babies when I became a part of their lives, so I have had the pleasure of having a huge part in helping raise them & I love them like they are my own! I am going to miss them like crazy!!! Hopefully we will be able to get them out to see us during off tracks & summers, until we are able to go back home! :)

 On April 11th Jason's Dad Terry came out to Boston to help us find a place to live. Thank you Terry! I don't know what we would have done without you! The first two days just Jason & Terry went out house searching (I of course stayed at the hospital with Ryker...I wasn't leaving the hospital until they had it narrowed down) The first day back Jason was really discouraged, there wasn't a single place that they had seen that was even close to what we were needing for the right price. Boston is so ridiculously expensive! But luckily that day I had met with another Heterotaxy Mom at the hospital named Adreana Duchesne. As her & I spoke she talked about how we wouldn't want to live any closer to Boston than an hour because its just too expensive & too crazy busy. She said that she lives in a little town called Belchertown that is about and hour & 15 away & she loves it! Plus it has a great school system. Thank you Adreana!! So I relayed this to Jason & it made him feel a lot better. He & Terry had been looking within about 30 min range of Boston & hadn't seen a thing that worked so this gave us hope.

The next day Jason & Terry headed West to that area in hopes of finding something that would work for our family. They looked at many little towns around there & with Adreana's extra inputs here & there they realized that Belchertown it was. They found two little places in Belchertown that they decided I needed to see the next day.

The next morning after LOTS of persuasion, I left the hospital for the first time to go & hopefully find our new home. I had the worst anxiety!!! I hated to leave Ryker at all let alone to drive an hour to get somewhere, then an hour back. But I did it & we both survived ;)

The drive out to Belchertown was gorgeous!!! Boston was gorgeous! I hadn't really been out of the area of the hospital & all I had seen was a big city, but on the out skirts it is absolutely gorgeous!! So many HUGE trees & highways with nothing but beautiful wildlife growing all around. So not what I imagined the Boston area to be like. Not the "city" I had imagined!

After driving for a while, getting off the freeway & going through areas that are very forest like, I will be honest.....I felt like I was in Montana just without the Mountains. It was so beautiful, but I was getting a little nervous!! I was born & raised in Salt Lake City & don't like to be in the "city" city but I do like to have a grocery store within 5 minutes & some sort of shopping center within maybe 15 minutes....none of this drive 30 minutes just to get a cube of butter type of deal. I absolutely LOVE visiting Montana (where my husband is from) it is so beautiful & relaxing but I couldn't handle the slow paced, quietness about it all the time. So as we are driving through what I felt like was an "East side Montana" where we could potentially be living for a while I was a little nervous! I didn't see a single store or gas station on the way in,  just trees with a house or two every so often.

I decided I would keep my worries to myself until I saw everything & we went to see the first house. It reminded me so much of the location of Jason's parents house in Montana. It was pretty secluded but still had other houses in walking distance. It was a beautiful area & I really did like it. I could see us hanging out in the yard with the kids watching them play, it was a good feeling.

Then we went to the next house. It was a little cottage that a family had remodeled behind their home for a rental. It was so cute & just perfect for what we were needing. Plus, the woman that owns it was such a sweetheart & very helpful. I began asking all my questions like- How far is the closest grocery store & is there any parks for the kids, etc. Turns out there is a library in walking distance, a grocery store very close. The only problem is that its not available until July 1st.

I felt really good about it but as I walked through realizing that his could potentially be our home for a while, the place we bring our sweet baby home from the hospital to, I begun to have horrible anxiety. Nothing could compare to coming home from a long stay in the hospital like coming home to OUR home! My mind was racing! All the feelings of it being "Montana like" got to me at first but then when it really came down to it I realized that it didn't matter where we were coming home to, it was going to be a HUGE change, a change that I was trying my hardest to be ready for but today it had just smacked me in the face more than I had ever expected!

The drive home was pretty quiet...at least to my memory. There may have been much talk but I was so zoned out that I couldn't think of anything but getting back to the hospital to be with Ryker & how my life was never going to be the same in WAY more ways than I had even realized! I kept worrying "are my kids going to like it? what if they hate it & it makes all this even harder than it already is?" I knew this was coming but as I worded it to my Mom "I've never been a big fan of change, I don't like be pushed....or better yet shoved into change, especially all these changes that are more than life changing!" But I just kept telling myself "It is going to be amazing! It will be hard at first but you will love it in the end....I just need to stay positive!" Jason was sitting in the back seat & at one point he said- "Babe, I can feel your anxiety from here!" & he was right, I felt so overwhelmed & there was no way of hiding it! I just wanted to go back to the hospital & cry to myself.

When we got back to the hospital Jason & I were able to really talk about it all. Once again he made me realize that I didn't need to stress about all the "other" stuff and all I needed to worry about was Ryker. I knew he was right, I knew he would handle it & it would all turn out perfectly like it always has through this whole journey. He has worked so hard to make sure that everyone thing works out so well for our family! He has gone through so many stresses of big decision making & always making sure that I only worry about taking care of our sweet baby. How did I get so lucky to have him!?! :)

After a few more cries & lots of talks on what to do. We finally made the decision to get the little cottage in Belchertown. Since it is not available until the 1st of July we will be staying at an extended stay hotel only 20 minutes from the hospital for the months of May & June. Which actually works out perfectly because it is looking like Ryker wont be out of the hospital still for a bit so if we are able to get the kids out soon it wont be too long of a drive. :)

I have to take a moment & give a huge THANK YOU to Jason's entire family!!! Without them so much of what we have been able to accomplish would just not be possible. Turns out they have had whole family meetings numerous times on how to help make certain things work for us & about how they can help out more. Jason has been able to rely on them so much for help when I am with Ryker. They have been able to take so much stress off my husband & I appreciate it more than I could ever express! Thanks to them we found the house we will be living in along with so many other things! Thank you all so much! We love you all!! 

Here is a pic of my sweet boy only a day or so before his second extubation....
Those eyes make my heart melt! :)