A-Flutter

On the morning of May 31st I was back at the Hotel spending my every other 24hrs with my beautiful girls. When I received a call from an unknown number. I was so grateful I answered when I realized it was Ryker's Nurse Practitioner on the line. Instantly I was so nervous, I hate to get calls from anyone in the hospital while I am away from my sweet baby. She told me that Ryker was back into flutter & that because he had been through this once before they were going to try to pull him out of it without having to intubate him this time around. However because they had already tried other ways of getting him out of it that did not work, they would have to do the defibrillator paddles once again. My heart sank, my poor baby was going to have to go through that again, this time without being intubated, paralyzed & sedated heavily! She said they would sedate him pretty good but not too much or he would have to be intubated again. I was so nervous for my sweet boy. Thank goodness Jason was there & was able to be by his side. But my heart ached for both my boys- Jason, because he would have to see what I had to see before that just ripped me in two & Ryker- because he had to go through all this all over again! My poor baby!!

After only about 15 minutes of pacing back & forth, being sick to my stomach that I wasn't there & preparing myself to leave asap, the nurse called me & said "Ryker is out of flutter & doing really good. We did have to bag him (where they put a oxygen mask over his face & blow air into his lungs) a few times to keep him breathing, but otherwise it went smoothly"  I was so relieved! I talked to Jason & he said Ryker looked great & did really well, that he was just sleeping comfortably now. :)

Then once again on June 5th early in the morning (again, at the hotel with my girls) I got another call from an unknown number. Instantly I was sick to my stomach...I knew who it was, I was just praying it wasn't bad news! Again the nurse told me the same thing "Ryker is in Flutter & we will try our hardest not to have to intubate him while we do the defibrillator, but if he stops breathing with the sedation medication we need to give him we may need to." Again thank goodness my amazing Husband was there to be with our sweet baby while he went through more horrible things that no child should ever have to endure & no parent should ever have to see! Jason called me a short time later & said "He is out of it & doing so good! Babe, I cannot believe how tough our boy is!" Jason continued on to tell me that the head attending Doctor of the CICU had Ryker for the day & was shocked at how unbelievably tough Ryker is! Apparently Ryker got sedated & then had the defibrillator done & was just fine afterwards....no bagging, no intubating, just back to normal like nothing ever happened. He is such an amazing & strong baby boy!!

Later Jason & I were talking & I confessed to him that I think I know why this keeps happening when he is there & I'm not. I told him "It's because after I saw what I saw & felt the the way I felt the last time around I prayed to God over & over that I would never have to see my sweet baby go through that again. So now I realize I need to have a talk with God & re-word things...Of course I don't want to see it again & I NEVER EVER want my sweet boy to go through it ever again, but if he does HAVE to go through it again I want to be there for him, right by his side, holding his hand the entire time!" I think God realized how hard that was on me & is trying to spare me a heart attack :) I am just so grateful that I have such an amazing husband that is there by Ryker's side loving & caring for him just as much as I do!

Before the last flutter on June 5th they had said that they would have liked to have sent Ryker to the floor a week ago, however because he is Ryker & enjoys throwing curve balls at them they are going to stay on the cautious side & keep him until they feel he is 100% ready to be on the floor & hopefully stay on the floor. So as of now Ryker is on 100% breastmilk with no additives (hopefully they will let it stay that way) & trying to grow big & strong. :)

Here are a few pics of my beautiful girls with Ryker during a hospital visit-

Cuddling my sweet boy!

Holding Ryker after his bath

Addi loves her baby!

Me & my Addi-Jo

Braylee's first time holding Ryker since before when we were all together in Utah

Addi's first time holding Ryker since before when we were all together in Utah

Love how Ryker is looking at Mommy :)