On November 3rd we went in to the Doctor to get the usual 20 week ultrasound done where they check all the organs, fingers & toes, etc. The night before I had said to Jason "I am super excited about our appointment tomorrow but I feel a little nervous too" & I had never felt that way before with my other pregnancies, but I tried to not let it bother me.
So My girls & I got to the hospital a little before Jason did so the ultrasound tech was just looking at all the "fun" things for the girls. They thought it was the neatest thing ever to see their baby brother & when they saw him yawn they were both SO excited & wanted their very own picture of it. Once Jason got there she went over everything making sure it was all good & she made sure he was still a boy. She had told the girls that they had a perfect little baby brother & she couldn't believe how active he was. During all of this each time she went to look at his heart she said he was in a weird position & she couldn't see it clearly so she said she would come back to it when he moves a little, but never seemed worried about it at all. She continued to look at everything printing out picture after picture that were all just adorable! He was moving all over the place & giving us the perfect little photo shoot, my girls loved every second of it! By the end she had me get up & walk around in hopes that he would move into a better position for her to thoroughly look at his heart, so I did. When I came back she was no longer in the room & I started feeling a little nervous about it. When she came back in the room she looked sick, but she didn't say anything, sat down & tried to look at our baby's heart again. She tried for a little bit longer, then she took a deep breath & said "I am really sorry guys, but I have have to tell you something- There is something wrong with your baby's heart...I thought it was just because he was in a weird position but it has nothing to do with his position....All I can see is 2 chambers of his heart & a normal heart has 4 chambers.....I'm really sorry, I don't know what else to say. Everything else looks perfect!" I was in shock....I can't even begin to describe the feelings that were rushing through my body. As I fought back the tears, I said to her "can someone live with only 2 chambers?" & she got really teary eyed & said "I really don't know, I'm so sorry! You will need to talk to Dr. Nippert (my OB) about the details" I laid there not knowing what to to say or do! I wanted to tell her she had to be wrong & to please look again but I knew that wasn't going to do any good. She then said "I called Dr. Nippert when you had walked around & she said she will call you later today to talk to you about the details. Until then we will be working our hardest on getting you set up at the University Hospital for a level 2 ultrasound & a fetal echo cardiogram as soon as we can."
We walked out of there just feeling numb. I couldn't even speak. I was holding the new ultrasound pictures that she had given us & I folded them & put them into my purse, I just couldn't look at them if I wanted to be able to keep myself together for my kids. My poor girls didn't know what was going on, everything was so happy & exciting & then suddenly it just wasn't anymore. My heart was aching for them, I hated that they had to be there to feel all the emotions & stresses that were rushing through all of us at that moment.
As soon as we walked into the elevator Jason wrapped his arms around me & I lost it! I was trying so hard to hold it in for my girls sake but I just couldn't. I felt like I couldn't breathe! We walked out to the car, the girls & I had driven separately so Jason walked us to my car. As I buckled Addi into her car seat, trying my hardest to hold myself together, Jason asked me if I was okay to drive, now that I know better I probably shouldn't have. He stood by my door with me for a while & held me tight, there were no words that we could say to each other that could help the fears, questions & pain to go away....Tears just rushed down my cheeks uncontrollably. As soon as Jason walked away & I closed my door I just laid my head on my steering wheel & sobbed. I will never forget looking up for just a moment & seeing my sweet Braylee's face in the rear view mirror looking back at me with so much sadness & hurt in her eyes not knowing what was going on but didn't dare to ask. She just said to me "I love you Mommy!" in the sweetest little voice. She is the sweetest little thing, I don't know what I would do without her! I tried my hardest to pull myself together so I could drive us home, but I knew I needed to talk to someone. I called my Mom, It took me probably a good 30 seconds after she answered her phone for me to get the words out...I just said through my tears "My baby only has two chambers of his heart, Mom...can someone live with only two chambers???" My poor Mom had no idea what was going on & I don't think that she could even begin to understand what I was saying because there was so much more crying than words. She said everything she could to comfort me & to try to make me feel better but I just had to get off the phone, talking about it was just making it so much worse.
When I got home I went straight to my computer & started googling everything possible about hearts with 2 chambers. My sweet Braylee came & climbed up on my lap, wrapped her arms around me & said "Mommy, is there something wrong with our baby?" With tears rushing down my cheeks, I said "I don't know yet sweetie, I wish I did" & she said "Don't cry Mama, I love you so much!" Then she just sat on my lap with her arms around me as I cried & looked up stuff on the computer, it was like she wanted to make sure I knew she was there to comfort me no matter what. I don't know how I would have survived that time without that sweet girl! I love her so much!
Jason got home a little later & we both looked up everything possible, there were so many stories that gave us hope then there were so many more that made our fears worse. It was such a catch 22 because I wanted to know info about it all yet it terrified me at the same time. There were so many stories of parents that got there 20 week ultrasound & the tech told them their baby had less than 4 chambers & then they went back in later & everything looked great, so that was my hope was that the ultrasound tech was wrong & that we just need to get another appointment so we could know for sure.
After hours of all the questions eating us alive, my O.B. Finally called at about 7pm that night. I guess she had been in deliveries all day & couldn't get to the phone. She confirmed all that the ultrasound tech had told me, she also said that it looks like my baby's heart is on the right side of his chest which is something called dextrocardia & that the U of U Hospital is the only place that has the right equipment to figure out exactly what is going on so they were trying their hardest to get us an appointment as soon as possible. She wanted us to come into her clinic the next day to do further testing to make sure there weren't other things going on such as down syndrome & then hopefully we could get an appointment up at the U right after so we could know exactly what was going on before the weekend.
As much as I had looked forward to her call I felt worse after I had spoke with her. Knowing that there was something else wrong that we didn't know about before when we were looking stuff up made me have no more hope from the stories that sounded like our same circumstances because now ours had completely changed & was now different than everyone else. Automatically we started looking up dextrocardia & trying to find out everything there was to know about it. Turns out there was a lot of cases of it where the person's heart was on the right side of the chest but it was a perfectly healthy heart & they seemed to live a normal healthy life. The only problem was that I wasn't seeing anything about a heart with both dextrocardia & 2 chambers. I was feeling so helpless & just wanting answers so badly!
During this time we had so many family members calling wanting to know what was going on & letting us know that they love us & will be praying for our sweet baby. Even if it was just a text from someone it helped so much just to know that everyone cared so much. Specifically Jason's sister Tisha was amazing! I honestly don't know what I would have done without her! She was all the way in Montana looking up stuff & sending it to us, trying her hardest to be there for us to give us as much hope as possible. We are so blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives that care so much!
The next morning my Mom came over to stay with my girls while we went to the doctor. We still hadn't heard anything from the U about an appointment but we headed to Jordan Valley to see Dr. Nippert for further tests. While there they took 8 tubes of my blood to send off for testing to make sure we weren't dealing with anything else. They told us that they still hadn't gotten us an appointment up at the U of U but that they were trying but to not count on getting in today. So when we left I was feeling extremely emotional & frustrated, I just really wanted to know what was going on, so I started calling the U of U Hospital myself.
After being transferred around for hours & sent back & forth between Primary Children's & the U of U hospital, I finally got a call back around 5pm. They told me that I had an appointment set up for November 17th (two weeks away) for an in-depth ultra sound & another one on the 18th to meet with a Dr. Manuck (A high risk O.B) to go over the results of the ultra sound. They told me that the ultrasound tech would not be able to tell me anything about the results, that we would need to wait until the appointment with Dr. Manuck for the details. She apologized that she couldn't get us in any sooner, but that anyone that needs a level 2 ultrasound in there facility is considered an emergency & there are so many that you just have to wait your turn. So as much as I hated the idea of waiting 2 weeks, I understood.
At this point Jason & I have both decided that maybe waiting these two weeks would be good, that it may give our sweet Ryker just enough time to get all healthy & perfect so the doctors can tell us there is nothing wrong. So as of that moment we decided that we would try our hardest to live our lives the way we were before we had found out so that we could just survive these 2 weeks. And when the 17th arrives we will face the info we receive the very best we can. But, I can't help but get on the internet, look up every "heart healthy" food there is, go buy it all & make sure I was eating as much of it as I could so my baby had every nutrient possible to get as healthy as possible before our next appointment. :)
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| 20 weeks along. This pic was taken 2 days before this appointment |
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